Chapter 3

Trixie spent part of the afternoon reviewing the material that would be on her English final. The semester had focused on American literature. They would be tested on four of the books they had read. She hadn’t really liked The Scarlet Letter but had loved Bless the Beasts and Children. Huckleberry Finn had been fun to read, especially since she could relate to the location having been to Hannibal, Missouri when the Bob-Whites had traveled to St. Louis. She had absolutely detested The Old Man and the Sea. Although the book hadn’t been too long, it had taken her forever to read. She found she had to re-read many passages because it just didn’t keep her attention.

The test would be an essay test. Half of it would be a take-home test where the teacher would give two questions and they would have to answer them in less than one thousand words. They would need to reference passages in the book to back up their statements. The essays would get two grades --one for content and one for grammar and spelling.

The second half of the final would be essay questions given the day of the exam. The students would write the exam within the time frame of the final. They would have access to the books but that was all. Again they would be graded on content, grammar and spelling.

“Okay,” Trixie said aloud to herself. “I think I’ve got everything down except for The Old Man and the Sea. I’m going to have to ask Diana or Honey for some clarification on that one.”

She got up and started pacing the room ticking off the rest of the studying she needed to do as she did so. When she paused in her studying her mind would wander back to Reddy. She didn’t want to dwell on that now.

“Well, I suppose I can tackle this math. Then I should be caught up for the rest of the weekend.” She was getting out her textbook when there was a knock on the door. “Come in,” she said.

Mart poked his head in the door. “You got someone hiding in here or are you just talking to your imaginary friend?”

Trixie gave him a glare and then said. “Oh, don’t worry. I haven’t gone off the deep end. Yet. I’m just giving myself a pep talk before I tackle my math.”

“Well, you know where to find me if you need my expert advice,” he teased, giving her a wink as he closed her door.

Trixie stuck her tongue out Mart as he left the room and began to start her math. She had been doing well until she came upon a word problem that she just couldn’t figure out. It didn’t even involve two trains traveling down a track at opposite directions and at different speeds. She really wanted to figure it out on her own but after working on it for ten minutes and still drawing a blank, she decided to ask for some help. She was reluctant to do that since she hadn’t had to ask for help all year.

She could have easily asked Mart, especially since had backhandedly volunteered to do so. Something told her that she needed to ask Jim for assistance. She was worried about how he was handling Reddy’s passing and this was a good excuse to make sure he was okay.

She looked at her watch and realized it was almost five o’clock. Where had the day gone? Before heading up to Manor House, she decided to change and freshen up for the evening. She didn’t figure she would be coming home until after the house party the following morning.

She took a quick shower and unconsciously put on her favorite blue shirt and jeans which happened to be the most flattering and comfortable she owned. She quickly used the blow dryer to dry her hair. With the use of a round brush she was able to somewhat tame her curls, although the one that usually fell into her eye could not be tamed.

Grabbing her bag filled with clothes for the evening, and her math homework, she headed downstairs. Her mother was in the kitchen putting a chocolate cake in a basket and packing up sandwiches and salads for their picnic.

“Moms,” Trixie said. “Can I go up to Manor House early? I’m having problems with a math assignment and I wanted to ask Jim to explain it.”

Just then Mart walked into the kitchen. “I told you I’d impart my vast knowledge of math on you. There’s no need to ask Jim for help when you have Mart the Math Wiz.”

Trixie blushed and then glared at Mart. “Yes, I do,” she said through clenched teeth, “because I want someone who won’t tease and harass me about not understanding.”

Mart looked genuinely hurt. “You know I wouldn’t do that to you,” he said.

Now Trixie blushed with embarrassment. Quietly she said, “I know. I just need to speak with Jim.”

Trixie grabbed her bag and one of the picnic baskets and headed up to Manor House. She had thought about calling ahead but instinctively knew that she would be more successful if she just showed up. As she trudged up the hill she began to think again about her relationship with Jim.

She had liked dating a college guy as long as it was Jim. He was always considerate and tried to make it home at least once a month, even if it was just for overnight. If Jim couldn’t make it home for several weeks, she and Honey would also go into the city for the day to visit Brian and Jim. For the most part she had been happy with the relationship. But something seemed to be missing and at the time she didn’t quite know what it was.

It wasn’t until after she broke up with him, that she realized what the problem was. She missed Jim and she didn’t know how to tell him without sounding clingy and needy, so she’d been afraid to voice her frustration. She didn’t want to pressure him. He, in turn, had assumed that Trixie didn’t really want to see him that much and that had hurt his ego as well.

When Brian and Honey, who were much better at communicating on all levels, decided to break up, Trixie had panicked. When she panicked she pushed Jim to do something he knew he would never do, break a confidence. Especially since that confidence was with his best friend.

Trixie now felt that she was better equipped with sharing her feelings and concerns with Jim, or anyone else for that matter. She was beginning to understand it’s usually better you had to confront your fears and unpleasant things and not just try to sweep them under the rug.

Right now, Trixie had to try to figure out how to get Jim to share his feelings, if not with her, with someone.

When Trixie got to the Manor House, she knocked on the kitchen door. Cook was busy preparing the meal for Mr. and Mrs. Wheeler as well as the live-in staff.

“Oh, hi, Trixie,” Cook said. “I think Honey is up in her room. Why don’t you take your bag up there?”

Trixie entered the kitchen and placed the picnic basket on a counter. “Can I leave this here until we go on our picnic?” she asked. “It doesn’t need to be refrigerated. Mart and Brian will bring up that stuff later.”

Cook nodded and Trixie made her way up to Honey’s bedroom. For reasons she couldn’t explain, she didn’t want anyone else to know why she had come up to the house early.

Trixie knocked on Honey’s door. “Come in,” Honey called out.

Trixie rushed in and placed her bag on the floor next to the bed out of the way. Honey looked up in surprise to see her friend here so early.

“What brings you up here so soon? We aren’t planning to meet for another hour.”

Trixie blushed. “I ran into a problem with my math assignment and was hoping Jim could help me. Then I won’t have to worry about homework for the rest of the weekend.”

Honey looked at Trixie suspiciously. She knew that Trixie had not had any problems with math all semester and figured Trixie was just looking for an excuse to flirt with Jim. She didn’t say anything though because she wished she had thought of the same thing with Brian.

It had felt good today when she had been able to comfort Brian in his grief. She was beginning to wonder if she had made a mistake breaking up with Brian. Her feelings for him had not changed. Although they had been able to maintain their friendship all year, there were things she wished she could share with him but didn’t because they seemed too personal for just a friend. They were things even Trixie didn’t know about.

Honey had tried to date other people this semester. Lester Mundy had asked her out to the Victory Dance that was held after the basketball team had won the state tournament. It hadn’t been an unpleasant date but Lester didn’t seem that exciting either. She had really tried to put Brian out of her mind and not obsess about him but it just didn’t work. At times she wondered if she would ever be able to move on with her life.

Then, today in the orchard when she had comforted Brian, she felt like maybe neither one of them was ready to totally move on with their lives. With the summer ahead of them, Honey had decided to do a little pursuing of her former boyfriend and see where it would take her. She knew the relationship could not go back to what it was, and she also knew that was okay. If they were going to make a go of it, it would have to be a very different relationship.

“I’m not sure where Jim is,” Honey finally said. “I thought I heard him say something about going down to the stables to make sure everything was ready for the ride tonight.”

“I don’t know how much of a moonlight ride we’ll get in,” said Trixie. “It’s light until after eight o’clock now.”

“By the time we have our picnic and get saddled up it will at least be dusk. It’s almost six thirty now and we said we’d meet at seven.”

Trixie headed to the door; she almost forgot her math book. In fact, she had given thought to just leaving it in Honey’s room but then changed her mind. She really didn’t understand the problem and she wanted to get it done before their dinner, that way she wouldn’t have to worry about any homework tomorrow.

Trixie bounded down the steps, through the kitchen, and out the door. She approached the stable, but she saw no sign of Jim. As she entered the tack room she heard Jim’s voice coming from one of the stalls.

Jim seemed to be having a one-way conversation with someone. “Why do people and things I love always die?” Trixie heard.

“First, it was my parents, then Great-Uncle Jim, and then it was old Spartan, now it’s Reddy.”

Trixie knew she wanted to comfort Jim but she didn’t want him to think she had been spying on him. She backed out of the stables and decided to make a grander entrance.

“Jim,” she called as she re-entered the stable. “Are you in here?”

As she came around the corner, Jim made his way out of Jupiter’s stall. “I’m here,” he said looking at his watch. “Aren’t you a little early? I thought we were meeting at seven.”

“I am and we are,” Trixie responded. “I’ve been working on my homework and ran into a problem with my math. I was wondering if you could help me.” She rushed on like she always did when she was nervous. “I know I should be able to do this problem. I’ve been able to figure it out all semester but this one just stumped me.”

Jim led Trixie into Regan’s office where there was a small table next to the desk that the two could work on. Trixie opened the book and showed him the problem. She even explained what she understood and where she thought she was getting stuck.

Jim quickly pointed out that she was misreading the last sentence. Trixie blushed with embarrassment.

“I read that thing at least twenty times and every time, I read it like I thought it was written, not how it was written,” Trixie said. She reached up and placed a gentle kiss on his cheek. “Thanks, now I don’t have to worry about homework for the rest of the weekend.”

Quickly, Trixie sat down and worked through the problem. Jim leaned against Regan’s desk just observing the girl of his dreams.

When Trixie finished, she closed her text book and notebook and set it on the corner of the table. “I’ll take these up to the house after our ride. Is there anything that needs to be done with the horses before the rest of the gang gets here?”

“Well, we could begin to saddle the horses up so that when everyone gets here we can head out,” Jim suggested.

Jim followed Trixie out of the office. Instinctively, he grabbed her hand and stopped her. Taken by surprise, she found herself wrapped in Jim’s tight embrace. At first Trixie thought maybe Jim was making an awkward pass at her. Then she felt his shoulders shake and dampness on her cheek where Jim had placed his.

Not wanting anyone to walk in on this, Trixie guided Jim outside into the paddock and around the back of the stables. Finally she asked, “What’s wrong, Jim?”

Jim lifted his head and slowly said, “I’ve just been overwhelmed by Reddy’s death. I know he was old and his time had come but every time someone or something I love dies, I get this feeling of helplessness and I start to think that I should just quit caring.”

“Jim,” Trixie said, trying to stop his rambling. “We’re all upset over Reddy’s death. It took all of us by surprise. Unfortunately, death is part of life and we’re going to have to face it many times in our lives.” She paused and took Jim’s face in her hands so he was forced to look directly in her eyes. “If you quit caring, you will be very unhappy.”

Jim nodded his understanding but his eyes still doubted what Trixie was trying to get to.

“I know we’ve hardly ever talked about your parents’ deaths. I’ve never pushed the subject because I knew how difficult it is for you to talk about them. Maybe it’s time you started to talk about your feelings and your memories of your parents,” Trixie advised.

She gently took Jim by the hand and led him over to a couple of hay bales that were neatly stacked against the stables. She sat down and pulled him down next to her. Then in a move designed to make him feel safe and comforted, she put her arm around his shoulders and pulled him to her side.

“I can’t talk about my parents,” said Jim. “How would that make Mother and Dad feel? They’ve done so much for me. I don’t want them to think I don’t love them as much as I loved Mom and Dad.”

Trixie heard the anguish in Jim’s voice. She turned him to face her again and said, “Mr. and Mrs. Wheeler are not going to be upset about you wanting to talk about your parents. They know you love them and they love you unconditionally. That’s what parents do. They also know that you will always love your parents.”

Jim nodded and then just sat next to Trixie for a few minutes. “Sometimes I feel guilty for loving Mother and Dad as much as I do. I feel like I’m betraying my real parents.”

Trixie looked at Jim in surprise. “I think having two sets of parents like you have is kind of like how Moms explained about loving several children. When she had Brian she loved him with all of her heart and worried while she was pregnant with Mart that when he was born she wouldn’t have enough love for him. After he was born, Moms realized that she didn’t love Brian any less and loved Mart just as much. You have an unending amount of love to give, Jim. Don’t be afraid of that.”

While Trixie would have liked to have continued the conversation, she knew that the rest of the Bob-Whites would be heading to the stables soon. While he wouldn’t be embarrassed, she sensed Jim would be uncomfortable if the rest of the B.W.G.’s found him like this.

“Come on,” Trixie said. “I promise you, if you need a sounding board I’m here to listen, but Honey and everyone else will be here any minute.”

Jim gave a weak smile and pulled Trixie to her feet. Quickly, they brushed each other off and then headed back into the stables. By the time the rest of the Bob-Whites had joined them, they had most of the horses saddled.

 

 

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