This story is about breast cancer. I know for some it might be difficult if not impossible to read. I understand. I’m not one who likes to give or get spoilers but there are times when they are appropriate. Should you need to know any details before you make the decision to read this please contact me.

Chapter Thirteen

Hallie and Dan left the Fraynes’ home arm in arm. Dan walked Hallie to her car and opened the door for her. He helped her in and made sure her seatbelt was buckled. Many women would have thought that gesture was rather chauvinistic. Hallie had learned long ago that in Dan’s case it was just doing the gentlemanly thing. She liked that Dan cared enough to make sure she was safe and secure. Dan leaned down and placed a searing kiss on Hallie’s lips.

“Meet you back at home,” he said. Then he carefully shut the door and headed to his truck.

Hallie backed her red Pontiac Solstice Convertible out of the driveway. The Solstice had been an indulgence when Dan left for Iraq. In a lot of ways it was totally impractical, but Hallie didn’t care. She loved riding around with the top down when it was 80 degrees and sunny out. Of course, in the winter time the car wasn’t the warmest.

Dan got into his Ford F150 pick-up truck and pulled out behind Hallie as she headed down Glen Road to their townhouse. Hallie felt comfort in seeing Dan’s headlights winking in her rear view mirror. Hallie pulled into the garage and Dan followed behind. She didn’t wait for Dan but got out and walked around the car to meet him. Arms wrapped around each other, they walked to the door. Dan reached around Hallie with the keys to open the door.

Once the door was shut and their coats hung up, Dan turned Hallie to face him and placed another kiss on her lips. Hallie wrapped her arms around Dan’s neck and deepened the kiss. Passion flared between them and they both started to head toward their bedroom. When they got there, they both realized they wanted to clear the air before they took things any further. There was so much hurt and so much confusion that had passed between them.

Hallie gently pulled away just as Dan started to speak. “We really need to talk,” he said.

“I was just going to suggest that. Let’s change into something more comfortable.”

They changed quickly. Dan put on an old sweatshirt and sweatpants, and Hallie, a flannel nightgown she had taken to wearing when Dan was gone. Dan sat down on the oversized chair in their bedroom and Hallie sat on his lap, draping her arms around his neck and laying her head on his chest.

After a few minutes of silence Dan began to talk. For the first time he really shared his experience in Iraq. He talked about the little kids who would come and beg for “chewing gum”. He talked about his fellow soldiers and how they had taken to playing “Crazy Eights” and “Go Fish” to pass the time away because it reminded them all of their childhood and less stressful times. He told about the day that a roadside bomb had exploded right in front of his vehicle. He told about how he had walked away with a few scratches but his best friend over there, Wesley Williams, had died.

Silent tears flowed down his cheeks as he spoke about hearing the news of Mr. Maypenny’s death and the frustration of not being able to come home and grieve. Dan’s soul felt further cleansed with the telling of his story.

When Dan had finished, the two of them sat entwined in silence for several minutes, then Hallie started to talk. She told Dan how she felt that she had to be strong and independent when he left for Iraq. She was so afraid of him not coming home that she had to prove to herself that she could make it without him. So she didn’t ask for help and then she resented having to do everything from lawn upkeep and auto repairs to cleaning and grocery shopping. When people asked if she needed help she told them that everything was under control. What she really wanted was for someone to take over so she could crawl under the covers and hide for days. She spoke of the nightmares she had, ones where she’d be waiting for Dan’s plane to land and as he was getting off it a bomb would explode.

Hallie sighed and took a deep breath. “After I realized what I was doing, I started to get angry and frustrated. I started to realize that I would die if something had happened to you. I would have been comforted if we had had a child. We had just decided to start trying when you got called up. Every month I physically ached with the pain of not bearing your children.”

Dan placed his fingers under Hallie’s chin and lifted it up so he could look into her eyes. He saw pain but he no longer saw any anger. Hallie looked into Dan’s dark eyes and saw compassion.

The two of them talked into the wee hours of the night. They talked for awhile and then just sat and held each other. At one point they moved from the chair to their bed so they could both be more comfortable. They talked about silly things like all of the games Peter Belden used to think up. Then they talked about their fears and dreams. They dozed for a while until of them brought up something new and they discussed it for an hour.

When dawn broke in the eastern sky, they had come to some major decisions. They decided to start living more in the moment and not for the unknown future. That didn’t mean that they would become irresponsible but they would start doing things now instead of waiting for the perfect time. When Dan had put in his twenty years in with the National Guard, he would retire. Hallie would look into finding another partner for her law firm so that she could cut back to half time. That would allow her to have time to pursue some of her other interests. If need be, they would start using some of the interest from the trust fund her parents had set up for her years ago. Up until now it had been sitting earning interest and had developed into a rather large sum of money. Most importantly they decided, together, that now was the time to start a family.

Chapter Fourteen

Monday, January 23, 2006

Honey stood in the middle of her office wondering where her business partner, Trixie, had placed a file she needed to close out one of their cases. Honey loved working with Trixie. They tended to complement each other. Trixie had great intuition and was not afraid to act on it. Honey, while supporting Trixie’s ideas, was always able to play devil’s advocate with her. Between the two of them they had managed to solve several cold cases over the past ten years.

Generally, Trixie and Honey worked together without any conflicts. They had their share of disagreements, but from the beginning had made a conscious decision that if they were going to work together they would not take their problems into their personal friendship. It had been difficult on occasion but they made it work. However, one thing that had remained a bone of contention with Honey was Trixie’s file keeping.

Honey had gone through the top of Trixie’s desk and all of their shared computer files. She could not find it. Honey, who never lost her temper, was getting frustrated. She wanted to get the case done and over with. The client had been a particularly difficult one. She really wanted to get the case closed.

Honey was just about to start getting really mad. If she were honest with herself, she would acknowledge that there was more to her anger than the missing files. The past two weeks, no the past six weeks, had been a whirlwind of chaos.

First, there was Trixie’s behavior. Despite the fact that Trixie had tried to hide her fears before her diagnosis, Honey knew something was wrong but couldn’t get Trixie to talk about it. That had been hard enough to deal with. In over twenty years of friendship, they had rarely kept secrets from each other. Honey realized that Trixie just couldn’t talk about what she was going through. Despite all of the self-talk she gave herself, Honey could not help the hurt she felt.

Then there was Trixie’s diagnosis and surgery. Honey was angry that her friend had to go through so much and had so much more yet to go through. The past few years had not been easy on Trixie and Jim. Now they had to face this. Not only was Honey worried about Trixie and her health, she was worried about how Jim was handling all of this. Even though it had been almost 25 years since his mother had died, Jim still, on occasion, had fears of abandonment.

And then there was Brian. Ever since they returned home the night of Trixie’s diagnosis he had shut down emotionally. He would come home from work and either bury himself in a medical journal or bury himself on the internet researching everything he could find about breast cancer. When he came to the dinner table he asked all the right questions about Mickey, Stella and her day but his heart just didn’t seem to be there.

Finally, Honey was worried about the agency. Many people assumed that Trixie was the driving force behind the Frayne-Wheeler detective agency. In reality it was definitely an equal partnership from the very beginning. Honey loved being a mother but she also loved her career. She knew that being a stay at home mom would be difficult for her. Honey was afraid that Trixie would want to close the agency down.

What Honey really wanted to do was sit down and have a real heart-to-heart talk with Trixie to discuss all of this. Everything had gone so quickly in the past two weeks that they had barely had time to say two words to each other.

Honey was ready to start pulling drawers out and start dumping things on the floor when she heard the door to the office open. She turned around to see who had come through it. She was shocked at first to see Jim and Trixie, then she just felt relief.

“What are you doing here?” Honey said.

“Somebody was really good yesterday. Somebody rested and took it very easy. Somebody threatened to walk into town today if I didn’t drive her in to spend some time with her best friend and business partner. Somebody was driving me crazy with her whining,” replied Jim with a roll of his eyes.

“And somebody has been driving me crazy hovering over every move I make,” Trixie said.

Honey walked over and gave both Trixie and Jim hugs. “I’m so glad you came. I was just about to tear this office apart looking for the Sutherland file.”

Trixie walked over to her desk, moved about three files, picked up one and handed it to her. Honey’s mouth dropped open and she shook her head in amazement.

“I swear I looked through that desk five times and couldn’t find a thing.”

Honey and Trixie walked over to the couch in the reception area to sit down as Jim made his way to the door.

“I’ll be back in an hour. I want to run over to the clinic and pick up a prescription. I also need to touch base with Brian. Lilli started running a temperature last night and I’m worried she might be getting pneumonia again.”

After Jim left Trixie let out a sigh. “Thank God he left to get something done. Don’t get me wrong. I really love all of the attention and care he’s giving me, but he’s really starting to stifle me.”

“Oh, Trixie. You should know after ten years of marriage that Jim will always be a worry wart.”

“I know. I really do appreciate it most of the time. He really does his best to give me some space and I know that if I overdo it I’m the one who suffers the most. I’m just so tired of not being able to do something productive.”

Honey and Trixie lapsed into an uncomfortable silence. Both knew they needed to have a serious discussion but neither one of them really wanted to deal with it.

Finally, Trixie took the bull by the horns and blurted out, “Okay, Honey, what’s really bugging you? You looked like you were out for blood when we walked in here. I know you get frustrated with my filing but you also know a simple phone call to me would have solved that problem in five minutes.”

Honey hesitated. Even though she was known for her tact she feared that she wouldn’t be able to explain her feelings without sounding like selfish brat. She laughed nervously and finally began. “Oh, I was having a genuine, self-centered, pity party and I couldn’t think of anyone to invite to the celebration.”

Trixie sensed she had inadvertently done something to hurt Honey. She racked her brain and realized that having walked through the last month in a fog, she couldn’t even begin to think of what she had done. “Well, it must be something good for you to be as angry as you were when we came in.”

Like all the other Bob-White women, once Honey started to talk there was no stopping her. “Well, it started out this morning while I was looking for that file. It was like all of the perceived injustices of the last six weeks decided to make their presence known. First, I started feeling sorry for myself because you hadn’t shared any of your fears or concerns about what you were going through over the holiday.”

Trixie tried to interrupt her and explain her actions but Honey stopped her with a shake of her head and a raised hand before she continued.

“Let me finish, Trixie. I’m not saying any of what I was feeling was rational or justified. I’m not telling you this to make you feel guilty. I’m telling you this so you know where I’m coming from.” Once Honey started it was like the floodgates had opened. “Part of me was really hurt that you didn’t think that you could confide in me what was going on. I’ve thought long and hard about this and realized that you didn’t tell anyone because you wanted to spare them the worry. I just wish you would have trusted me.” Honey got up and began to pace the reception area as she continued, “Then I started to get angry that you and Jim had to even go through all of this. I started to think of all that you have done for me and then I started to think of what would happen if you don’t survive this.” Tears started to flow down her cheeks . “One thing led to another and then I started worrying about Jim. Don’t even get me started on Brian. He’s been like a pod-person for the last few weeks. It’s like he blames himself for your diagnosis. Then when I finished with all my whining I realize I shouldn’t feel this way and now I feel guilty about that.”

Honey finally finished her soliloquy and sat down on the corner of her desk. She stared at the floor for several minutes and then gradually glanced up to see Trixie’s reaction.

Trixie had shown more restraint than anyone could ever imagine. Every time Honey had made a statement, Trixie wanted to refute it but didn’t. She recognized Honey’s need to vent. The years had taught Trixie to listen not only with her ears but with her eyes as well. Slowly she walked over to Honey and pulled her into a tight embrace, leaving both of them trying to stem their tears.

“Oh, Honey. You don’t know how many times I almost picked up the phone to call you to talk. I just couldn’t. I wasn’t able to verbalize what I was going through. It’s not that I didn’t want your help. I was in a state of denial. If I didn’t talk about it, then it didn’t exist,” Trixie began. “I worry about Jim as well. He has been so patient but there is just something that he’s holding back. Like me, I know he will talk about it when he’s ready. Maybe what you and I need to do is sit back and let Brian and Jim help each other. The two of them haven’t had any real male bonding time in months. Let’s give them a couple of days to work things out and if they don’t, we can hog tie them in the stables until they both come to their senses.

Honey started to giggle. “Can you see the two of us, first of all catching our husbands, and then tying them up?”

“Well… I’m pleading the fifth,” giggled Trixie.

“Trixie!” Honey gasped. “Was it fun? Wait a minute that’s my brother you’re talking about. I don’t want to know!”

The two of them sat for several minutes giggling uncontrollably. “We’ve got to stop this,” said Trixie. “My side and incision hurt from laughing.”

The two finally quit laughing and sat in comfortable silence for a few minutes.

“Trixie?” Honey looked into her eyes questioningly.

“What?”

“Have you given any thought about what to do with the agency?”

“Honey,” Trixie gasped. “What are you talking about? Don’t you want to work together anymore?”

“Trix, you and I have been partners in crime for over twenty years. I’ve just about got you trained to file. I’m too old to train someone else. I just thought you might want to close the agency with all that’s happening.”

Trixie grasped Honey’s hands and looked into her eyes. “That’s the last thing I want. We’ve worked too hard to get where we are. Next to my family and friends, this business is one of the most important things in my life. My concern is that I don’t know how much use I’m going to be in the next few months. I do know when I feel well enough I’m going to want to be productive and that means working here even if it means only answering the phones.”

“I’m so relieved. I think that has been one of my biggest worries. I love what I do but couldn’t imagine doing it without you. Can I make a suggestion?”

Trixie nodded.

“We’ve talked about this on and off for the last year. I think it’s time to expand and hire another investigator. Last week three really interesting clients called asking for our help. I told them I couldn’t commit to anything until this week. I’d like to take at least two of them but if we don’t hire someone else I don’t think we could do them justice.”

“That’s a wonderful idea. Once we get that person hired maybe we can hire a high school student to come in after school and on vacations for a couple hours a day. They could help straighten out my filing, answer phones and be an all around gopher. The business should be able to handle the additional costs.”

Trixie and Honey continued to make plans for the agency and discussed several of the open cases. They also started discussing what they were looking for in their new hires. They decided to concentrate first on hiring the high school student, as that wouldn’t be as difficult or time consuming.

“What about hiring someone from the Academy?” Honey asked. “I would bet any of the juniors or seniors would love to earn some extra money.”

“That’s a wonderful idea. I know Jim has talked about trying to get some of the older kids into some sort of internship program. It would allow them to earn some spending money as well as start to save for their college education,” Trixie said. “There are still some people in town who are hesitant about having a school for children who have been abandoned or are in trouble so near to them. It angers me sometimes that people are so narrow-minded. Since the Academy has been open I can count on one hand the number of times we’ve had problems with the kids that have resulted in contacting the authorities. Even Sleepyside Public Schools don’t have that kind of record.”

Trixie leaned against the back of her chair and glanced at her watch. “I wonder what happened to Jim,” she said.

“Brian had a full schedule today so I know they wouldn’t be wasting time with idle chit chatting.”

Trixie closed her eyes. Suddenly she was very tired. The next thing Trixie knew someone was gently shaking her awake. She slowly opened her eyes and found herself looking into her favorite pair of emerald green eyes. Jim slowly bent down and placed a kiss on her lips.

“Sorry it took so long, sweetheart. There was a mix up with the prescription. You look beat.”

“Honey and I were just having a pleasant conversation when suddenly it hit me how tired I was. That’s the last thing I remember.” Trixie struggled to stand up. Jim gently grasped her hand and helped her to her feet.

“It’s time we get home. We don’t want to tire you out too much and I want to get this medicine back to Lilli.”

Honey walked Jim and Trixie to the door. “I’ll try to draft a job description for both of the positions we discussed. I’ll call you later today or tomorrow to discuss them.”

Jim looked at Trixie as if waiting for an explanation. “Honey and I were discussing the business. Neither one of us wants to shut it down but we both realize that I won’t always be able to put in a lot of hours in the next few month. In addition, a lot more people are seeking us out. We had been discussing adding staff on and off for the past six months. It’s time.”

Trixie purposely didn’t tell Jim about hiring a high school student. She wanted to have the job description and an outline of the pros and cons before presenting it to him. It was important for Jim to see that the agency really needed the help and they weren’t just trying to find work for one of his students.

 

 

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