This story is about breast cancer. I know for some it might be difficult if not impossible to read. I understand. I’m not one who likes to give or get spoilers but there are times when they are appropriate. Should you need to know any details before you make the decision to read this please contact me.

Chapter Fifteen

Jim took Trixie home. After he prepared lunch for the two of them, he headed over to the Academy to finish the grant application. He’d return in time to meet Matt and Lizzie as they got off the bus.

Needing some time to think and also to release some nervous energy, Jim decided to walk up to the Academy. He dropped Lilli’s prescription off with her housemother and then headed over to his office to put the finishing touches on the grant application. Jim had lost track of time proof reading the application. He looked up when Mart poked his head in the door.

“Hey, what are you still doing here? It’s almost 3:30.”

“Shoot,” said Jim. “I didn’t realize how late it is. I’ve just enough time to sign this and put it on Brenda’s desk to go out in tomorrow’s mail.”

After Mart left, Jim quickly signed the document and gave it to Brenda to send out. Then he sat back and took a deep breath. The past few weeks he’d been operating on automatic pilot. He did the things that were expected of him and was there for Trixie and the kids. In addition he had been pushing himself to get the grant application complete and sent out. Mart, Diana, and Brenda had all helped out to make everything go as smoothly as possible. As much as he trusted everyone, it was his signature on the application so he needed to make the final edits.

As Jim pulled his coat on, he felt anger well up inside of him. He was so frustrated. It seemed like there was always something he and Trixie were facing. He wouldn’t trade Lizzie for the world, but he would have loved to have spared her all of the surgeries she had experienced. It just seemed like they were finally getting to take a breather and now this.

He knew Trixie’s chances for survival were good, but he still was afraid. They had been best friends for most of his life. In his mind, his life hadn’t really started until after he had met her.

It had been so many years since his parents had passed away. As much as he tried to keep their memory alive he found it more difficult every day to remember the little things about them. Fortunately when Matt was born Jim had taken the time to gather the few photos he had of his parents and put them in a scrapbook. He also started to write down memories he had of his parents. After Lizzie was born he asked his father and Mr. Rainsford to also write down their memories.

With a deep sigh Jim locked up his office and headed for home. He used the ten minute walk to get his feelings under control. He didn’t want Trixie to worry about the issues he was dealing with.

As Jim approached the house he noticed a figure standing on the porch staring off into space. It took a few minutes for him to realize it was Brian standing there. Brian’s head was hung and he had that dejected look.

“Hi, Brian. What brings you over? Is everything all right with Trixie and the kids?”

Brian looked startled as if he couldn’t remember where he was or why he was there. “No, no,” he stuttered. “Honey got hung up at work and asked me to drop Jenny off.” He glanced sheepishly at Jim and then continued. “And I wanted to see for myself how Trixie is.”

“And how is Trixie?”

“Well, Lizzie and Matt had just gotten home from school and Trixie was just coming down stairs. She looked rested and pushed me out the door. No matter how I try to disguise it, I can’t fool her.”

As Jim climbed the stairs his shoulders slumped.

Brian looked directly into Jim’s eyes and said, “Talk to me. Something’s bugging you.”

Jim tried to shrug it off. “It’s nothing. I’ve just been pretty swamped with getting the grant application finished.”

Brian wasn’t fooled one bit. “Come on Jim. I’ve known you for over twenty years. Something else is bothering you.”

Jim sat down on the top step. Dejectedly he looked up at Brian. “I’m really trying to be positive and most of the times I succeed, but today just got to me.” He rested his elbows on his knees and stared off over the driveway. “Nothing in particular happened. After I signed the grant application and gave it to Brenda to mail, I finally started to think about how serious this is. What happens if we don’t beat this? If Trixie dies, I don’t know how I’ll survive.”

Brian glanced down at Jim, took a deep breath and sat down next to him. “Well, join the club. I’m terrified that Trixie might not make it. Every night after supper, I find myself logging onto the Internet trying to find any additional information that might be out there.” Frustration mounted in Brian’s voice. “I know all of the statistics. Trixie has a great chance of survival. I just can’t let it go. It’s consuming my life and yet I feel like if I don’t do this I’m not doing everything that needs to be done.”

Jim nodded, understanding exactly where Brian was coming from. He had spent more sleepless nights than he cared to think about searching the Internet because sleep eluded him.

Jim continued to stare out across the yard. “Remember when we were in high school and we always were getting on Trixie’s case about acting responsibly and thinking before she acted. I know we drove her crazy but we were always able to help her. Even when we were in St. Louis we were able to help her. I feel like I have no control over this situation.”

Brian agreed. “I know what you mean. And I know I’m driving Honey crazy. I come home at night, eat and start searching. I can’t remember the last time I sat down and read a book to Stella or discussed anything with Mickey.”

Jim didn’t respond immediately. “I can’t tell you how many nights I’ve woken up out of a dead sleep with this dread. I haven’t been this scared since I lived with Jonesy.” Jim paused for a moment and then rushed on. “And then there’s the hovering. I feel so inadequate. All I do when I’m home is wait to do something for Trixie. It’s like I want her to get mad at me so I won’t feel guilty if I do something else. But she doesn’t get mad. Then I feel guilty about that.”

Brian reached over to bring Jim’s attention back to him. “Don’t worry about Trixie. Honey told me a little about their conversation this morning. She’s just practicing patience. I think she is worried about how the chemo is going to affect her.”

Brian rose to his feet and started to head down the steps. He looked back at Jim and said, “I’d better get going. If I beat Honey home I can surprise her by starting dinner. Then I’m going to spend the evening reading to Stella and helping Mickey with his homework.”

“I’ll talk to you soon,” said Jim as he rose. “And Brian, contrary to popular belief, the Belden family is not made up of a bunch of super heroes. You don’t have to be perfect. You’re already perfectly perfect in Honey’s and your kids’ eyes and that’s all that counts.”

Before Brian had left to go over to Ten Acres he had given Mickey the option of staying home and doing his homework or going with him. Mickey, being his father’s son, elected to get his homework done. When Brian arrived home, Mickey had his homework complete and was reading in his room.

“I’m home, Mickey,” Brian greeted. “Have you heard from your mom?”

Brian heard what seemed like a small herd of cattle coming down the steps.

“Yeah, she called. She said that she’d be home soon and was bringing home pizza for dinner.”

To Mickey’s surprise, Brian didn’t immediately go into the den and log onto the computer. Instead Brian walked into the kitchen and opened the refrigerator.

“Why don’t you set the table while I make a salad? That should go well with pizza.”

Brian and Mickey quietly worked side by side for a few minutes. When the table was set, instead of going back to reading his book, Mickey sat down at the table.

Brian worked in silence as he finished the salad. He looked up and was startled to see Mickey still sitting there. “Is there something that’s bothering you, son?”

Mickey didn’t say anything for a few minutes. Brian was ready to start unloading the dishwasher when Mickey finally started to talk.

“Dad, is Aunt Trixie going to be okay?”

Brian thought for a few minutes. Brian was known throughout the clinic as having one of the best bedside manners in the clinic. But words failed him for a few minutes and Brian found himself wishing for Mart’s extensive vocabulary or Jim’s natural ability to really connect with kids. Finally, he answered as truthful as possible.

“You know Aunt Trixie had surgery to remove the cancer,” Brian started. “Her doctors are some of the best around. That’s why she went to Rochester for the surgery. It was successful but they don’t know for sure if all of the cancer was removed. I explained all of that to you, Matt and Lizzie right?”

Mickey nodded. Brian hesitated a second grasping for right words. “Aunt Trixie is going to have chemotherapy. That’s pretty nasty stuff and she’s going to feel pretty yucky when she takes it. After that she’s going to have radiation therapy. We hope that will take care of all of the cancer. Unfortunately, we won’t know until after she goes through all of it.”

Mickey thought for a few minutes and then said, “I guess I’d better start saying some extra prayers just like we did for Lizzie. We prayed hard for her and she came out okay.”

“Aunt Trixie as well as Uncle Jim, Matt, Lizzie and Jenny could all use some extra prayers.”

“I wish there was more that I could do.”

“Well, when Aunt Trixie starts the chemotherapy she isn’t going to feel like doing anything.”

“We could make them dinner or maybe do something special with Matt, Lizzie and Jenny. Uncle Jim will be busy with Aunt Trixie.”

Brian heard the garage door open. “We can talk more about this over supper. I bet your mom will have some great ideas about what we can do to help. Right now I’m going to help her bring in the pizza and Stella. Could you get the milk and put it on the table?”

Honey had just pulled into the garage. It had been a long and exhausting day. After Jim and Trixie had left the office she had worked on the job descriptions for both positions they were planning on hiring. Wearily she opened the door, got out of the car, and then let out a big sigh. As she bent down to get Stella out of the car she noticed a movement out of the corner of her eye. When she saw Brian coming out of the door Honey couldn’t help but feel a little resentment. She waited for Brian to report all of the research he had done since he had gotten home.

Slowly Brian walked down the steps, took Stella from Honey’s arms and then planted a kiss on the top of his two favorite girls’ heads. A look of astonishment crossed Honey’s face.

“This is a surprise,” she finally said trying not to show her resentment.

“Well, someone who shall be nameless reminded me that I am not a superhero and that I needed to quit obsessing about that which I cannot control. I realized how much I had been ignoring my family to help other members of my family. I’m sorry I’ve been such a jerk.”

Honey was so shocked she didn’t know how to respond. So much had happened over the past few weeks. At times it had seemed like Brian had forgotten that not only was Trixie his sister but Honey’s best friend. Too many nights she had woken in the middle of the night wanting to share her fears and feelings with Brian only to find him deep in research on the Internet. While she appreciated his concern for Trixie, she resented Brian’s lack of compassion for her.

She reached in and grabbed Stella’s diaper bag and the pizza hoping to come up with a proper response. “Whoever said that was rather wise. I don’t need a superhero for my husband, I just need you.” She turned around and walked into the house expecting to have to finish getting dinner ready and set the table.

Honey was surprised when she walked into the kitchen and saw the table was set and a salad was made. Slowly Honey began to feel the weight of her world being lifted off of her shoulders and her husband starting to come back.

“Honey, why don’t you go up stairs and change into something more comfortable,” Brian suggested. “I’ll get Stella settled in while Mickey puts the pizza on the table.”

Dinner at Brian and Honey’s was a success. While they ate, the family discussed their days. Mickey told about the math test he had aced and how he hoped that he and Matt would be able to do something fun over the weekend. Honey told Brian about Stella’s antics at day care. She excitedly told Brian about the prospect of hiring two new employees. They also brainstormed ideas for helping out Jim, Trixie and their family while Trixie was going through chemotherapy.

In the end Mickey decided they should provide a meal to the family once a week. He even volunteered to plan the menus and the shopping list. Mickey also wanted to get together with all of his cousins to do something fun. Brian suggested getting Grandmoms and Grandpa Peter involved, as they loved to have their grandkids over. Grandpa Peter also had an arsenal of great family games to play.

After dinner, Brian gave Stella her bath while Honey and Mickey made plans for the cousins’ get together. Soon the kids were in tucked in bed. Despite being told to turn the light out and go to sleep, Mickey couldn’t help but sneak in one last chapter of the book he was reading.

Finally, Honey and Brian had time to sit down and have some couple time. Brian was just coming down from checking one last time on Stella and Honey was in the kitchen cleaning up the last of the dishes. While she finished up, Brian poured a glass of wine for Honey and grabbed a bottle of beer for himself.

“Let’s go into the den and relax,” he suggested.

Honey took the wine glass from Brian and wrapped her free arm around Brian’s waist. She turned into his chest and then tiptoed to place a kiss on his lips. He returned the kiss and wrapped his free hand around her waist and then guided her into the den.

The den in their home was quite different from Jim and Trixie’s. Like the Fraynes’, one wall was lined with bookcases. The shelves were lined with Honey’s complete set of Lucy Radcliffe books, Brian’s medical reference books and a collection of photography books. The lower shelves housed an assortment of children’s books. They ranged from board books that couldn’t be destroyed even if Stella decided it might make a great lunch, to the complete set of Harry Potter books that had become one of Mickey and Brian’s favorite series of books. Amidst the books were scattered several photographs that Diana had taken. Some of them were identical to the ones that graced the shelves of the Frayne household and others were unique to them.

Instead of dark earth tones that were used in many libraries, Honey and Brian had chosen maple for the bookshelves. The walls were painted a buttery yellow. The neutral wall color was contrasted by a series of quilted wall hangings that Honey had designed and constructed herself.

The two of them sat in silence for several minutes, enjoying each other’s company without the interruption of their children. Finally Brian took a deep breath and began to speak.

“I can’t tell you how sorry I am for ignoring you and the rest of the family these past few weeks,” he began. “I felt that I had to do whatever I could for Trixie. I didn’t want to miss a single possibility for finding a cure for her.”

“I can’t be angry at you for trying to help your sister,” Honey started. She paused to find the right words that would not offend Brian. “We both know how important it is for a patient to be as informed as possible. I know Trixie and Jim appreciated your help when she was diagnosed. I don’t know if Jim would have survived if you hadn’t helped them wade through all of the information. Now your family also needs you.”

“I know. It feels good to have the pressure I put on myself off of my shoulders.” Brian reached around and pulled Honey into an embrace. “We’ve talked enough about me I want to hear more about this student you and Trixie want to hire.”

Honey excitedly told Brian about their idea to hire a student to act as a receptionist and all around gopher to work after school for a few hours a week. She explained how they hadn’t even approached Jim about it. They hoped to make a presentation to Jim later in the week.

Soon the stress of the day took over and Brian and Honey retired for the evening.

 

 

This website is © 2005-2025 Mal. All rights reserved. All graphics created by Mal and may not be used without permission. Original ribbon provided by Pink Ribbons by Carol Sutton. Buttons using image and background created by Mal and may not be used without permission.