Chapter 5

When Jim and Trixie had gone to check the doors, neither of them said anything for quite some time. Jim had desperately wanted to take Trixie’s hand as they walked through the house checking the doors but something stopped him. He had been getting mixed signals from Trixie since he had gotten home the day before and knew that she was struggling with her emotions. He didn’t doubt her feelings for him. He had seen them written on her face earlier at the stables.

Finally, when all the doors had been checked, Jim said, “Are you too tired to talk?”

Trixie looked at him with a twinkle in her eye and asked, “Is it talking you want to do?”

“Well, not really,” Jim admitted, “but it’s what we need to do.”

He led Trixie back to the den and pulled her down on the couch close to him. As tactfully as possible, she put a little distance between them, knowing it would be easier to talk that way.

Ever the honest person, Jim replied, “I want to do more than talk, but I think we owe it to each other to talk before we let our emotions take over.”

Trixie nodded her head and Jim began to voice his feelings.

“I know you said that you didn’t want to get so serious again because you needed to grow some more as a person,” he started. “I don’t know how to say this without sounding like I’m pressuring you, but I don’t know how I can be just your friend if I’m here all summer. I haven’t ever stopped loving you.”

Tears came to Trixie’s eyes and she turned to him so he could see her face, “I haven’t stopped loving you either, but I’m afraid. Our problems stemmed from not being able to communicate our feelings to each other. Not the big feelings or the ones that have to do with other people. It’s the little ones, the doubts, the petty things that bug us.”

Jim listened with his eyes and his ears as Trixie turned away to finish what she had to say. She didn’t even realize that when she had to say something that was difficult she couldn’t look him in the eye. “I loved that I was able to help you deal with your sorrow this afternoon. When we were in the stable all I wanted to do was take you in my arms and go back to what we had. Now that I’ve been able to step back, I’ve realized I don’t want what we had.”

Jim was shocked by what he was hearing. He started to get up and walk out the door.

Trixie sharply whispered, “Jim.”

That one softly spoken word stopped him in his tracks and he turned around to face Trixie again.

“You haven’t let me finish. I said I don’t want to go back to what we had, but I didn’t say I don’t want you.”

Jim looked even more confused. In his mind he had heard rejection, when Trixie had been trying to give him hope.

Recognizing the confusion on his face, Trixie continued, “The thing I want most in the world is to be your girlfriend. Like I said earlier, I’ve never stopped loving you and I never want to stop loving you.”

Jim interrupted, “I haven’t stopped loving you either.”

Trixie ran her hands through her hair, trying to figure out a way to adequately explain her feelings without totally freaking Jim out.

“I don’t know how to explain where I’m coming from without you misunderstanding,” she started again. “So I’m just asking you to really listen to what I’m saying and wait until I’m done.”

Jim watched her warily but nodded in agreement.

“I think in my heart, I’ve always known someday we would be getting married. That can be scary, not because I don’t want that it to happen, but we’re so young and statistically the chances of us falling in love in high school, eventually getting married, and growing old together aren’t very good.”

Jim started to see where Trixie was going with this but didn’t make any comment.

“The soon-to-be high school senior in me wants to throw caution to the wind and resume our romance and not deal with any of the issues. You’re home for the summer. We’ll be able to see each other every day. It would be great to just be able to ignore these issues. But in the long run, it won’t work if we don’t address them now.”

Finally, Jim realized what Trixie was getting at and was amazed at her mature thinking. She really was growing up. Six months ago she would have jumped right back into the relationship they had had if he’d apologized and let her stick her nose into Brian and Honey’s relationship. Now he knew that if that had happened they would never have made it until summer and the relationship would have been irreparable.

Jim leaned over and placed a kiss on Trixie’s forehead. He couldn’t resist pulling on ‘his curl’. “When did you get to be so smart?” he asked.

Trixie shyly smiled up at him and said, “I learned from the best - you.”

“So where does that leave us?” he asked. “What’s going to happen this summer?”

“Summer will be just like we planned it. You and Brian are going to do the first session of summer school, commuting back and forth most days as you only have classes on Tuesday and Thursday mornings. I’m going to start my job at the library. You’ll work with the kids you’ve lined up to tutor.”

“And how are we going to act when we’re together?” Jim inquired.

“I’m not saying we’re shouldn’t see each other. In fact, I might need to see you quite a bit in the next week to help me study for my finals.”

Jim couldn’t let that statement go. “I’m more than happy to help you study, but you’ve got to know you can do it on your own. Look how well you’ve done all year.”

“I know I can do it on my own,” said Trixie, “but it’s more fun to have someone who cares help me.”

Jim couldn’t resist grabbing her hand and giving it an encouraging squeeze. He couldn’t bring himself to let go of it when he had finished.

“I’m not explaining this very well,” said Trixie. “And I don’t want to come off as being bossy and telling you what you can and can’t do. If we’re going to make this work we need to communicate and compromise.”

“I totally respect and understand what you’re saying, Trix,” Jim started. “I just don’t know if I can be just your friend all summer. My feelings are too strong.” He looked into her eyes hoping she would see all the fear he was feeling right then. Despite everything she had said, he still feared he would lose her in the end.

“I’m not saying that we ignore each other or just be friends,” explained Trixie. “We’re not going to be able to work on our issues if we don’t communicate with each other. We just need to take it slowly and one step at a time and we need to not force the issues but address them as they come up. I don’t want to feel like we’re having some impromptu counseling session every time we get together. Am I making any sense?”

Jim could not resist her any more. He pulled her into his arms and hugged her tight. “I think I understand and I agree with you. We take things slowly, go on dates, and do the jobs we have lined up for the summer, all the while working on these issues.”

Trixie laid her head on Jim’s shoulder. Then she turned and looked directly into his eyes as she replied, “That’s it in a nutshell. Like I said earlier, I want this relationship to last more than the summer. I’m willing to work at it and to do that we need to take it slowly.”

Despite the conversation they had just had, Trixie knew that if she didn’t untangle herself soon she would be doing things to Jim that she knew she wasn’t ready for. Carefully, she disentangled herself from Jim and leaned back against the sofa, throwing her head back. “Man, am I tired,” she said.

When Jim didn’t respond, she looked over at him and realized he was as tired as she was and now that they had talked things out, he had fallen asleep. She decided to rest her eyes for a few minutes before waking Jim up and heading back to Honey’s room.

Meanwhile, in the kitchen, things were really heating up. The kitchen Brian and Honey walked into was spotless, just like she knew it would be. Brian, not quite willing to believe that Honey wanted him as much as he wanted her, said, “Everything’s put away. We might as well head upstairs.”

Honey, becoming the vixen she’d only read about in books, grabbed Brian’s hand, pulling him into arms and breathily said, “Are you sure that’s what you want to do?”

“Honey,” he whispered. “You’re killing me here. If you’re not careful, I’ll do something we’re not ready for and then I won’t be able to live with myself.”

Halfheartedly, Honey removed her hands from Brian and slid off of the countertop. After they checked to make sure everything was still in order, they shut off the lights and headed upstairs. At her bedroom door, Brian said, “Despite what happened, we still need to talk a few things out.”

Reluctantly, Honey nodded in agreement. “We could meet at the clubhouse tomorrow afternoon,” she suggested. “I’ve got to start studying for my chemistry final, but that can wait until later.”

As much as Brian wanted to meet at the clubhouse, he knew they needed to be in a place that wasn’t quite so private. “I’ve got to head home in the morning, Moms wants us all to go to church with the family and then I think she’s planning a family dinner at noon. Why don’t you come down mid-afternoon? I’d be happy to help you study and then we can find some place for some privacy.”

Honey nodded in agreement. Then she reached up and gave him one last kiss. As she pulled away and turned to her door, she thought she heard him whisper, “I love you, Honey.”

Looking back at Brian’s retreating back, Honey whispered the same back to him. Quietly, she opened her bedroom door and walked into her room. She sighed as she shut the door and leaned against it, wanting to relive the past hour in her mind.

She’d been standing there for a few minutes when she heard, “Things must be okay between you and Brian.”

Honey’s eyes flew open and she stared at Diana. She was embarrassed that she had forgotten about her guests. She glanced over to the two beds. Diana had changed into her pajamas and was lying in one of the beds. The other one was empty. Trying to distract Diana’s inquiring eyes, Honey asked, “What happened to Trixie?” before she realized that maybe she didn’t want to know. She didn’t want to share with anyone just yet about what had just happened between her and Brian.

Diana gave her a knowing look and said, “I think she and Jim fell asleep on the couch in the den. It’s been a trying day for everyone.”

"Do you think we should wake them up? I wouldn’t want Miss Trask or Celia to walk in on them if they’re in a compromising position.”

Diana winked at Honey and couldn’t resist teasing her, “I wouldn’t worry about them. I would have been more worried if they had walked into the kitchen twenty minutes ago.”

Honey blushed to the roots of her hair and gasped. “That was you we heard,” she said.

Not wanting to embarrass Honey any further, Diana reassured her, “Don’t fret. We didn’t see anything. As soon as I realized what might be happening, we headed back upstairs.”

That didn’t really help Honey. “We, as in…?” she asked.

“We, as in Dan, Mart and I,” Diana replied. “No one saw anything. When we realized you guys were okay, we just headed to bed.”

Honey buried her head in her hands in embarrassment. If she could have, she would have crawled underneath a rock and died.

“Well, at least you saw some action,” Diana commented. “I barely got off home plate.”

Honey looked up at Diana and saw the twinkle in her eye. Then she started to giggle. “You mean to tell me you didn’t even get a goodnight kiss from Mart.”

“Barely,” Diana complained. “Dan was there and we didn’t want him to feel left out. I suppose we could have sent him off to Jim’s room to use the extension there to call Hallie, but we never thought of it.”

“Poor Dan,” Honey said. “I bet he can’t wait for graduation. Not just because he’ll be done with school but because Hallie will be here and he won’t feel so much like the odd man out.”

It didn’t take long before Honey and Diana were sound asleep, dreaming about their dream guys.

Back in the den, Trixie stirred as something brushed up against her arm. She had a crick in her neck from the way she had been sleeping.

“Sorry,” Jim whispered. “I was trying to get you more comfortable and didn’t want to wake you up.” He had tried to put a throw blanket over her shoulders.

Trixie stretched her arms over her head, her shirt exposing her firm midriff and sending Jim’s hormones raging. He quickly turned away, not wanting to go in the direction part of his body wanted him to. Trixie had no idea the torture she was inflicting on him.

“What time is it?” Trixie asked.

Jim glanced at his watch and replied, “Almost four o’clock.”

Trixie gasped, “Honey and Diana are going to assume the worst.”

“You think you’ve got problems, I’m going to have to face honorable Brian,” Jim bemoaned.

When Trixie tried to get up from the sofa, Jim offered his hand and pulled her up. “Let’s go up to bed. Maybe we won’t wake anyone up.”

“We can only hope,” said Trixie.

Quietly, the two climbed the stairs. Trixie was glad that she didn’t have to worry about squeaky stairs like she would have at her home. At Honey’s bedroom door, Jim placed a platonic kiss on Trixie’s forehead that belied the way he really felt. “Sleep tight,” he said as he headed to his bedroom.

Trixie tiptoed into the room and was relieved that Diana and Honey had decided to share a bed. It would make it easier to sneak in without waking them up. For once, Trixie was light on her feet and managed to get changed and into bed without disturbing anyone.

 

 

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